Voicemail/Inbox/BBS board/IM/all-purpose-IC-post

[aureately]

~


Hello hello~

You've reached the inbox of your One True Love and Shining White Knight, Kida Masaomi! Don't hate me for not being able to answer your call--hate my friends who kept me from answering instead! Ahhhh~ such is the price of popularity~! And the newest class idol can't play favourites, you know~! So leave me a message telling me all about your undying love for me, and I'll call you right back as soon as it's convenient for me to do so!

Ja ne! ♥

Comments

[Text]

[worldwithoutcolor]

[The text comes over late -- not middle-of-the-night late, but later than when Mikado usually sends texts, and late enough that he doesn't call for fear of disturbing Masaomi's household with noise.

It's also shorter than usual, at least for a greeting.]

Still awake?

[Text]

[aureately]

[Kida's still up, sort-of, in that he's lying stretched out on his bed and staring up at the ceiling, lost in thought and halfway to dozing. He pauses a moment before reaching for his phone when it alerts him that he's gotten a text, but when he sees who it is, he smiles and sits up, his interest already piqued.]

Even if i wasn't, i am now, & since it's u i'll stay that way!! (◕∇^)ﾉ~☆


[...It's late, so he reins in the Purposefully Bad Texting Skillz somewhat. |D]

[Text]

[worldwithoutcolor]

[Well, that's good.

So he'll just jump right into what's bothering him -- more or less.]

Have you seen Sonohara-san today?

["Today," since it's the weekend.]

[Text]

[aureately]

[...If he's texting this late

it's probably something important

maybe even something Serious

but

since when is Kida ever serious straight off the bat esp. when Mikado is around to troll

plus if he was serious right away, Mikado might think something was wrong SO...]

ohhhh~? is this ur roundabout way of asking if Anrichan & i went out on a date 2day w/o telling u~? would a tru BFF RLY do something like that 2 u??

[Text]

[worldwithoutcolor]

[...]

No

And by that I mean that I think you *would* tell me.

[.............although

what if that was what she wanted to tell him

and that was why she seemed so unsure and apologetic and

NO

No, he's over-thinking things again. He might have suspected Kida of doing that once, back at the beginning, but he's long since made it clear that he understands how ~serious~ Mikado's feelings are -- and that, among many other reasons, is reason to trust him.]

I'm serious, man. I'm kinda worried

[Text, literally five seconds later]

[aureately]

What's wrong?

[2/2] ;3

[aureately]

[He can think of a lot of things that could be wrong, and he doesn't know 100% for sure where Mikado is right now even if he didn't sound like he was in trouble from his previous texts, but.

But.]

those surprise tags lighten up my day every day /epicface

[worldwithoutcolor]

I came home earlier and she was waiting for me, I guess. I asked what was wrong but she kept telling me she was fine and

that she shouldn't have come

[And worried or not, not all details are necessary details, so--]

She was asleep when I got there so

I thought maybe she was in trouble, but she wasn't hurt or anything. She left after a while

but she never told me what was bothering her

lol GOOD 'cause I doubt they'll be stopping anytime soon |D [1/3 btw!]

[aureately]

[...bro

here for just a second you had him worried that you might be dying in a gutter somewhere

and now you dish a little more fully and it turns out it's girl problems.]

[2/3]

[aureately]

[................oooooooof course girl problems are VERY important problems

especially since it's YOU, Mister Used-To-Cry-When-Paired-Up-With-A-Childhood-Friend

and what's more it's ~♥YOU AND ANRI-CHAN♥~ 8D so CLEARLY what a good BFF would do is--]

[3/3]

[aureately]

[--tease you mercilessly and demand DETAILS, MAN. >8D

and one detail in particular could be especially interesting here SO let's go in for the kill start there!]

where was she sleeping??

\o/

[worldwithoutcolor]

[.........

WTFH

DID HE NOT PICK UP ON THE FACT THAT MIKADO IS KIND OF REALLY WORRIED HERE, OR...

oh no wait it's Kida

unless it's seriously serious and undeniably bad, of course he'd think about something like that...

And it's a good thing this is text, not a phone call, because he'd have frozen up at that. As it is, his text comes over without a hitch ty technology and TOTALLY DISREGARDING THAT QUESTION.]

Does it matter? Something was wrong, so I was wondering if you knew anything.

[aureately]

[lol N O P E not getting out of this that easily |D]

clearly it DOES matter since you’re saying it doesn’t!!

[worldwithoutcolor]

[GDI]

I'm saying it doesn't because it doesnt

She was on the floor and that's not the point

[his bed = on the floor so NOT A REAL LIE... not that he won't lie when he "has" to, like now. Although he's aware that to really sell it, he probably should have given that answer first instead of dodging the question entirely...

gdi.]

audio | dragonhaven | day 3

[worldwithoutcolor]

[The audio rolls for about half a minute in silence. Finally, there's a slight sound of movement, but it's another moment before his voice is heard.]

I, um...

[It comes out low, a little scratchy as if he hasn't used his throat much lately. He coughs to clear it, but it barely helps.]

...This might be stupid, but... I just really... need someone to talk to right now. So... you're the one I'd want, but... this is... better than nothing.

[Another lengthy pause. It's a good thing there's no apparent limit to the rune's voicemail.]

...I still don't believe it. Or... maybe I already do, but... I don't want to. It's not... right -- it wasn't fair, there wasn't even any time to--

[His voice breaks and there's a sharp hiss of breath.

He's obviously on the verge of breaking down, but he forces himself to keep going, ignoring the waver in his words.]

We all saw it... no one could do anything, it... I'll never forget it. I want to, and I guess that's selfish, but--

[A small sound escapes him, half-choke.]

I'm sorry -- I'm sorry but I can't--

[A fumbling sound near the rune's mic, and then the message cuts.]

audio | dragonhaven | day 4

[worldwithoutcolor]

[Like the first message, there's a delay of silence at the beginning, but it's considerably shorter.]

Me again.

[He breathes out, slow and heavy. He's determined not to lose it today. Not for the next couple minutes.]

...They still haven't found anything. But...

[...]

...it's stupid to keep hoping, isn't it? It's... kind of cruel, too... if you were still...

[He still can't bring himself to say it.]

...I haven't changed at all... I'm tagging after you like always. I can't let you go.

I can't...

[There's a dull thump sound.]

You'd... be on my case, if you could see me now. Asuna-chan... she misses you, too. And she's worried. I think... I'm scaring her, maybe, because I... but... I don't know how to talk to her about this. I just... don't want...

[He goes quiet for a while. When he speaks again, his voice is lower, a little more strained.]

I keep thinking... and I just -- I wish I hadn't...

You've always been my best friend. You've always looked out for me. I didn't... appreciate that enough. I yelled at you too much.

And I just... keep thinking... [His voice tightens.] Maybe if I'd been better... maybe you wouldn't have been so close. Maybe you'd have been standing with me and you never would have--!

[He breathes in, shakily -- and while his next words are louder, more forceful, more emotional, he still doesn't cry yet.]

If it was my fault, I'm sorry! If I could've -- done something, anything different... if I could go back--!

[It does break out of him now. Painfully. His voice is muffled as he goes on.]

I want to go back -- I can't... but I want to go back!

[It's another minute of smothered crying before he ends the feed.]

audio | dragonhaven | day 5

[worldwithoutcolor]

Hey.

I'm... sorry. About before. I think I'm fine, sometimes, but... I know I'm not. [He sounds sad, but not overly emotional.] I don't know when I will be... and I don't know if it'll ever stop hurting.

...I miss you, you know. I missed you before, when I first came here, but... it's... different. It always hurts. If I think about good times or bad times, it doesn't matter. It all feels the same... but I can't help remembering. I want to. It's... all I have now.

[He sighs quietly, sounding resigned.]

...I really thought we could do it.

[...]

I thought... we'd stay here forever. You and me and Asuna-chan. I thought... ending up here was the best thing for all of us. I thought I could change... so I wouldn't have to count on you two to watch me. I tried.

But... it didn't matter. Not for you.

[A pause, as if he's considering saying something more -- but then the call ends.]

audio | dragonhaven | day 6

[worldwithoutcolor]

I wish you were here.

If it'd been... if it hadn't been you... you'd be with me right now, wouldn't you. Just like Asuna-chan is. Every day.

[His tone is surprisingly level compared to previously, but it's not happy. It's flat, almost apathetic-sounding.]

She deserves better than this. But I... I don't... She makes some of it easier, but...

[He exhales sharply, impatiently, but his voice remains the same.]

She just... looks so sad. I tell her I'm okay, but... you know I suck at lying. You'd probably know just what to say, though.

[A pause.]

I don't want her to worry anymore, or to push herself too much, but... what can I tell her? As soon as I wake up, I remember everything and start all over. It's like... every day's the same. It's not getting any easier. So... I just keep lying to everyone. I can barely do that, though.

...I just don't know anymore.

audio | dragonhaven | day 7

[worldwithoutcolor]

[Unlike the other messages, it's obvious from the start that he's been crying, and very recently. His voice is thick and rasping, and there's a snap to it despite how quietly and slowly he speaks at first.]

I know it's my fault. I shouldn't have supported you when you went diving. I should have... I should have said something. Maybe you would've listened.

[It's self-reprimanding as well as apologetic, but the next words gain heat -- and volume.]

But it's your fault, too. I told you -- I told you as soon as you arrived that the Havens are dangerous -- you were stupid enough to join that fight, anyway! You almost died! And you still didn't learn!

[He swallows, loudly, but that doesn't stop the overwhelming emotion from bleeding through.]

I never asked you to protect me! You act like it's so noble, but you're still an idiot! All that did was make you feel better! Maybe it made you braver or something, but every time something came up, I was scared -- it was bad enough every time Asuna-chan went away, but then I had to worry about you, too!

You said you'd be careful, but you weren't! You... you should've -- known -- you should've...!

[There's a sob -- and some low, cautious, and sad chirping somewhere further off. It goes ignored.]

Maybe -- Maybe you don't have any regrets, but what about me? I can't forget! I see it again every night, I think about how horrible it must've been -- it makes me sick but I can't stop -- you're all I can think about and I'm supposed to move on somehow! And I guess I'm the one who has to tell Sonohara-san, too, if I ever see her again -- how are you helping me now, Masaomi?

[His crying seems to take over completely then, because he doesn't manage to get anything else out.

Not, at least, until he chokes out in only semipotent anger,]

It -- It would've been better if they never brought you here!

[This time his grief does win out, but it's a while before he remembers to end the message.]

video | dragonhaven | day 8

[worldwithoutcolor]

[It's the first time Mikado chooses video. Were he more aware of his appearance, or expecting these messages to actually be received one day, he might have stuck to audio

because he looks terrible.

It's only been a week, but those seven days have taken their toll: his eyes are distant, the circles under them too dark compared to the rest of his paler-than-usual face. It makes him look exhausted but restless, and the angles in his jaw and cheeks are too sharp, the skin drawn a little too tight.

He's on his side, lying on his tangled mess of blankets in the same inn room they shared before the incident, and that lackluster position doesn't help him appear any less small and weak. After he turns the rune on, he crosses his arms over his stomach, and the motion emphasizes how much skinnier he is. Not threateningly so, but it would be obvious to anyone who sees him on a regular basis.]

...I'm the worst.

[His eyes have fallen sideways, staring downward at the bed.]

I don't... know... how to handle this. I'm pushing everyone away... I'm blaming you... I come up with every excuse for how things could've been different, as if it matters. But it doesn't. So I just get mad again... and I keep ignoring everyone. The ones I have left.

[Pain briefly twists his features.]

...Is this what you were afraid of? That's what I've been wondering. If it'd been me... would you've felt like this? Did you know?

[He closes his eyes, but the troubled look stays.]

Maybe you did... and that's why you could just jump in like that.

[He shrugs, the motion so slight that it could easily be overlooked.]

Sometimes I wonder... if you were like that because of what you told me. About that time you froze up. It's... actually pretty hard to imagine... But, yeah--

[Mikado opens his eyes, looking straight at the rune with a clear gaze.]

--I just... wonder if you were trying to... make up for that, or something. Maybe you decided risking your life was worth it... especially if it kept you from going through this.

[His arms tighten around his middle slightly.]

I never said it, but... when you told me that story, I was... I'm still glad you didn't go. I can't say for sure, since I wasn't there, but... I could've lost you a lot sooner.

And I don't know your girlfriend, but I think... I think she probably felt the same way. Especially if she still... you know.

At least... when I was in Crystal City... I remember thinking, "I'm glad he's not here." That was the only time I felt that way, because I knew... I knew you'd have gotten involved. And maybe gotten hurt. So... maybe she felt the same way. I don't know.

[He looks down at the bed again, pensive.]

...I never got to tell you all that. Just like... I should've told you not to be so hard on yourself. I don't think you're a coward for what happened -- or for leaving Ikebukuro. It... would take a lot more than that to make me think less of you, you know?

[The faint traces of a slight, sad almost-smile ghost over his thin lips -- just there, though. It doesn't reach his eyes.]

...I should've told you that, too. How much I look up to you, even if I didn't act like it much.

[...

He draws his knees up, hugging them to his stomach. Only after a few deep breaths does he reach over and turn the rune off.]

video | dragonhaven | day 9

[worldwithoutcolor]

Nine days.

[Video again. This time Mikado's on the floor, lying on his back with the rune set at arm's length beside him as he stares upward.]

It feels longer than that.

[...]

...Sorry. I don't know what to talk about today... but it doesn't feel right if I don't call.

[Another pause, and then suddenly he laughs -- more or less. It's a sharp exhale, humorless, but he grins briefly as he does it, although there's no mirth in the expression, either.]

Am I crazy? I don't even know...

[The look fades as quickly as it appeared.]

I've talked to you more than anyone else for nine days. Everyone... I know they want to help, but... they're just reminders.

[...]

How did you do it? You were so good at hiding things -- how you felt, I mean. I know... that I kept secrets, too, and I still do from some people, but... I'm no good at hiding what I'm feeling.

I guess I'm jealous.

[His eyes close, and he hesitates long enough that he almost seems to be meditating.]

...You were better in a lot of ways. So when something happened to one of us... why was it you?

[...]

I guess there are coincidences here, after all.

[He looks over, and after a thoughtful couple of seconds ends the video.]

audio | dragonhaven | day 10

[worldwithoutcolor]

Right after the attack, someone told me there was a chance you could all still be alive.

[His breath hitches after the last word, as if it still pains him to think about the matter so bluntly. After a moment he goes on, more quietly than before.]

I wanted to believe it. But I was afraid... I didn't want to get my hopes up. I didn't want to get hurt all over again. But...

But it's going to hurt, anyway, so... I want to believe. I hope... I hope you're okay, somehow. If you are... I'm sorry I can't do anything to help.

If you're not...

[He gives a short, cut-off sigh, and goes silent. His next words are only just audible.]

...Please be okay, Masaomi. Please... I keep... having to get used to you being gone. I don't want to do it again. I just want us to be together without having to worry about that anymore.

...Maybe that's a lot to ask, but... I don't care. I'll be selfish, then.

[...]

So... if you're okay, somewhere... I just want you to know that I'm not afraid to hope anymore. That's all I can really do for you, anyway.

video | dragonhaven | day 11

[worldwithoutcolor]

[The rune turns on as Mikado shuffles it in his fingers, seated with his chin propped on the arm that's lying across a tabletop. He looks as tired and restless as he did in his last couple videos, and nothing else has really changed. The room is only vaguely lit from the one window, making the time of day hard to guess, but the time stamp on the message will reveal that it's early morning, just before sunrise.

He takes his time before speaking, but there's no thoughtful look in the meantime. Just a blank stare, making it all but impossible to guess what he's thinking behind it -- if anything.]

...Eleven days.

[His voice is low -- intentionally, although that's not obvious right away.]

I won't... assume anything yet, but...

...Almost two weeks. That's pushing it, isn't it.

[He sighs, also quietly, but otherwise doesn't move or speak.]

[fencerflash]

[It wound up that cuddling up with -- and sleeping next to -- Mikado was a good way to get her mind off the hard work, where they had no way of seeing whether what they did had some pay off. Asuna had been sleeping, but... she heard a voice.]

[So now -- from out of view of the rune, but still audible -- Asuna is talking.]

Mikado-kun? Who are you talking to?

[worldwithoutcolor]

[He doesn't quite start as he usually might at the surprise, but glances over without hardly budging from his position.]

Ah... no one. I was just leaving a message.

I, um... I didn't wake you up, did I?

[The flat tone of before gives way to apology, and more than a little concern.]